Christmas time

Well, Christmas is kicking my butt. Been working almost non-stop. I work the next 8 days in a row. And I still am short on cash. I was able to buy something for Jeffrey though. I don't know where to ship it to so I have decided to ship it to my ex's parents. Although they aren't talking to me either, I'm hoping they will at the very least send him his present. I of course wasn't able to send it on time though. Every day I've had off since I bought it I have been having to do like 80 million things. I didn't even realize Christmas was next week until yesterday. Whenever I do get a minute to think my son is definitely on my mind. I keep trying to figure out how big he is now. How smart he's getting. I wonder if they still let him watch Yo Gabba Gabba which used to be me and his favorite morning time show. He'd run around doing his baby dance to all the songs. That was the first time he ever seemed to really get into something on the tv. He'd actually stand there and watch and dance to the whole show. Then we'd play games together. I miss my mornings with my son.

Always so busy.

Once again sorry for the updates. Trying to keep this thing updated and keep my life together is hard work. Haha. So I've been recently messaged by a few of my ex-husband's new wife's friends. In response to this I'd just like to add that everything I say in this blog is true to the best of my knowledge. And although it does not paint a very good picture of my ex-husband or his new wife that is not my intention. My intention is to put my story out there so that I can find some help either with getting my son or some support from other people who have gone through what I've gone through. Some more details about the legal situation, I know what state my son lives in, but no address. I do not have my ex's phone number and every person's number I do have will not answer. The only address I have is of his parent's but they have been no help to me. Our divorce and the child custody papers are all done in one state, I live in another state and he and my son live in a different state. Every lawyer I have talked to has pretty much told me to call a lawyer in the other state. I have a job but am not able to spend the 5,000+ dollars it takes to hire a decent lawyer. I have tried appealing to my ex-husband to at least let me talk to my son but he refuses to even speak to me. And last time I almost did have a lawyer willing to work with me he moved to a new state and cut contact completely. I do not know if my son is ok. All I have to go by is my ex's word, which I don't trust very much.

On the more emotional side to this battle I can say that I am a mother missing her son dearly. Getting through the day is hard sometimes. I work with the public and even seeing a child Jeff's age almost makes me cry. I am a good mother (no matter what my ex has to say about it). I love my baby boy more then anything in the whole world. And I would do anything I had to to get him back. To know that he was safe in my arms. I don't even have many pictures of him anymore because someone (my ex was the only one I know who had my password) had went onto my myspace account and deleted all of my pictures. And shortly after that my hard drive crashed and deleted the few I had seved on my computer. But his face remains vivid in my mind. I see it every night when I close my eyes. He is the love of my life, and I feel sorry for the people who took him from me. Sorry that they don't seem to understand the bond between a mother and her child.